Name:
Improving a Paragraph
Rewrite the paragraph below making changes as necessary to improve the wording and/or flow.
Day 1
- Would you rather live in the Sahara Desert or in Antarctica?
Antarctica. If I lived in the dessert it would be waaaay to hot! I already sweat buckets in the summer, so living in the
sahara would be like torture! Plus the dessert has all kinds of creepy crawly things. From scorpions to lizards to even
tarantulas! YUCK! Give me nice cool antarctica anyday!
Suggestions: Spelling, grammar, capitalization.
Day 2 -
If you could have one object from a video game, what would it be and why?
I would choose the propeller suit from my favorite game, Super Mario Wii. This is basically a suit that lets you fly in
the air! Like a mini helicopter. I’d choose this cause I could fly anywhere I wanted to go. I wouldn’t have to have
anyone give me a ride or ride in my brothers smelly car. Having the proppeler suit would be a life saver!
Suggestions: Combine sentences, reiterate
1
Language Arts