Family Home Rules Contract Template (Page 2 of 9) in pdf

~ Dare To Discipline ~

Adapted from Dr. James Dobson’s book.

1. Developing respect for parents is the critical factor in child management.

• This respect will be important for his future outlook on school authorities, law enforcement

officers, employers, and others they live and work with.

• Most corporal punishment should be done by time the child is starting first grade. It should taper

off and stop when the child is between the ages of 10-12.

• Spanking should begin and be reserved for the times when children express willful, defiant

disrespect, disobedience or rebellion: “I will not!”

“No!” “You shut up!”

“I hate you!”

o Spanking should not be administered for mistakes or acts of irresponsibility; it is reserved

for acts of haughty disobedience.

o Usually necessary shortly before age 2.

o When nose-to-nose confrontation occurs between you and your child, it is not the time to

have a discussion about the value of obedience. It is not an occasion for time-out. You’ve

drawn a line in the sand, and they’ve purposefully pushed their toe across it. Who is

going to win?

o Parents must always win the early confrontations with their children, or later

confrontations will be even more difficult to win. A classic quote from Dr. Dobson is, “If

you can't make a five-year-old pick-up his toys, it is unlikely you will exercise much

control during his most defiant time of life”.

o The time to begin disarming the teen-age time-bomb is 12 years before it arrives!

• Cautions on spanking:

o Never be harsh with your children. If you’re trying to discipline out of anger you will lose

their respect and the benefit of the lesson you’re trying to teach; “I love you too much to

allow you to act like that”.

o Beating and/or abuse is not spanking. If you’re lashing out in anger, it is not a spanking!

o Be sure you’re in complete control of your emotions and only apply enough force so that

the child understands that it would be better to comply with the rules of the home.

• Summary statement, When you are definitely challenged, win decisively. When the child asks,

"Who's in charge? " tell him. When he mutters, "Who loves me? " take him in your arms and

surround him with affection. Treat him with respect and dignity, and expect the same from him.

Then begin to enjoy the sweet benefits of competent parenthood.

2. The best opportunity to communicate often occurs after a disciplinary event.

Nothing brings a parent and child closer together than for the mother or father to win decisively after

being defiantly challenged. After emotional ventilation, the child will often want to crumple to the breast

of his parent, and he should be welcomed with open, warm, loving arms. At that moment you can talk

heart to heart. You can tell him how much you love him, and how important he is to you. You can explain

why he was disciplined and how he can avoid the difficulty next time.

This kind of communication is often impossible if the child is resentful for being put in a comer.

Family Home Rules Contract Template Page 2