Family Home Rules Contract Template (Page 5 of 9) in pdf

Specific Principles to maximize the benefit of the Law of Reinforcement (continued):

2. Rewards need not be material in nature.

• Children and adults of all ages seek constant satisfaction of their emotional needs,

including the desire for love, social acceptance and self respect. Additionally they hope to

find excitement, intellectual stimulation, entertainment and pleasure.

• Verbal reinforcement should permeate the entire parent-child relationship. Too often are

communication is comprised of “don’ts”. We should spend more time rewarding them for

the behavior we do admire…even if the reward is nothing more than a sincere

compliment. Make sure it is specific, warranted praise, not generalized flattery.

3. Any behavior which is learned through reinforcement can be eliminated if the reward is withheld long

enough.

• Fact: Unreinforced behavior will eventually disappear. This is called Extinction.

• Examples: Walleye in tank with minnows separated by glass panel. Elephant restrained

by small rope and thin stake.

• Why does a child whine instead of speaking normally? Because parents have reinforced

whining! As long as child talks in normal voice, they’re ignored. When they switch to the

grating, irritating, whining voice we tune back in to see what is wrong. Their whining

voice gets results. Their normal voice doesn’t. We’ve just created a whiner!

• To extinguish the whining, you just reverse the reinforcement. “I’m not going to listen

when you’re whining. When you call me politely, in a nice voice, that is when I listen”.

Give immediate attention when the they talk normally, and absolutely ignore them when

they whine. The desirable consequences will recur.

• Children can be taught to overcome (Extinction) their fear of the dark by positive

reinforcement. Use candy for incrementally longer periods of time spent in a dark

bedroom by themselves with you standing immediately outside of the room and the door

initially open. Begin with 2 seconds and gradually increase as appropriate.

4. Parents & Teachers are also vulnerable to reinforcement.

• How do children act when they want something from you?

• Father has a low frustration tolerance for his children. When they fall short he yells at

them, which seems to make them mind. He has been reinforced for his screaming and

becomes a loud, aggressive parent.

• Be aware of your own reaction to reinforcement, and make be in control of this tool.

5. Parents often reinforce undesirable behavior and weaken the behavior(s) they value.

• It is remarkable easy to reward undesirable behavior by allowing it to succeed.

• If child always cries at dinner and guests are coming, you may ignore it initially, but he

knows you’ll give in if he gets loud enough. He’s learned that he has to cry LOUDLY to

get what he wants.

• For tough decisions, Sally’s mom always initially says “No”…in order to buy her some

time to actually think about the request. However, Sally’s daughter knows that “No”

doesn’t really mean “No”. It actually means, “Maybe”. So, the harder she argues and

complains, the more likely she is to turn that “No” into a “Yes”. Sally has taught her

daughter that arguing, sulking, pouting, door-slamming and bargaining are beneficial.

Don’t take a stand on an issue until you’ve thought it out. Then stand firm!

Once the child/teen learns that “No” means “No”, less time will be spent arguing.

• If a baby is quickly picked up each time they cry, they learn the connection between tears

and adult attention.

If necessary, wait outside the door of their room until they quit crying before

entering. This reinforces the pauses rather than the crying.

Family Home Rules Contract Template Page 5

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