How To Deal Assertively With Criticism Worksheet Template Page 4
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14--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ASSERT YOURSELF!
I am...., I’m useless, and I’ve got to stop”. We can tend to see a criticism of our behaviour as
a rejection of ourselves. This type of response can lead to depression, anxiety and low self
esteem. We feel like the world is a critical place and we agree with all the criticisms!
Alternatively, we may laugh it off and criticize ourselves even more with the attitude “If I
criticize myself more and make it a joke then no-one will know I am hurt”. In the long run
this has the same effect as agreeing openly with the criticism.
Aggressive Responses to Criticism
If we tend to respond aggressively then we will tend to hear criticism as a personal attack.
Feeling attacked we will then become defensive and may go on the attack ourselves. For
example, “How dare you, I’m not late. You’re the one who is always late.” This type of
response can then lead to conflict and increased aggression, which in turn can lead to
depression and low self esteem.
Assertive Responses to Criticism
When we respond assertively to criticism we can identify the difference between
constructive and destructive criticism and respond appropriately (see the skills below
describing how to respond to criticism assertively). We can see that criticism about our
behaviour is not necessarily saying anything about us as a person. We don’t get defensive,
angry, blaming, hurt or run away. We stay calm and accept the criticism without negative
emotions.
What Keeps us From Responding Assertively to Criticism? Unhelpful
Beliefs about Criticism
As with other unassertive behaviours there is often some unhelpful thinking underlying the
behaviour. Some of these are listed below:
• If I am criticised it means I am stupid.
• They criticised me, they mustn’t like me anymore.
• They are right, I did get it wrong, I can’t do anything right. I’m a failure.
• I can’t criticise them because then they won’t like me.
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Module 7: How to Deal Assertively with Criticism
Page 4
nterventions
• Psychotherapy • Research • Training
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