What Is Assertiveness Worksheet Template (Page 4 of 9) in pdf

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ASSERT YOURSELF!

If we constantly communicate in an aggressive manner we will eventually lose friends and

people will lose respect for us. Again this can lead to low self esteem.

There is a large amount of research examining the negative impact of lacking assertiveness –

that is, being either passive or aggressive. People who are more assertive tend to be less

depressed and have better health outcomes. Less assertive people have a greater likelihood

of substance abuse.

How do we Become Unassertive?

Assertiveness is a learned behaviour and thinking style. We are all born assertive. Think of a

baby. Babies cry when they want something, they express emotion freely. Then gradually

they adapt their behaviour to fit in with responses they receive from the environment, that

is, responses they receive from family, peers, work mates, authority figures etc. For

example, if your family or peer group dealt with conflict by yelling and arguing, then you may

have learned to deal with conflict in that way. Or if your family taught you that you should

always please others before yourself, then you may find it hard to be assertive about your

needs. Or if your family or peer group believe that you shouldn’t express negative emotion,

and ignore or ridicule you if you do, then you will quickly learn not to express negative

emotion.

Some questions that can be useful to ask yourself when you are thinking about how you may

have learned to become unassertive are:

o How did your family handle conflict?

o What did they do when they disagreed with somebody or were upset with people?

o How did your parents teach you to deal with conflict?

o What were their messages?

o In what ways did you learn to get what you wanted without asking for it directly?

(e.g., crying, yelling, making threats etc.)

o Do you still use these ways to get what you want today?

As you can see from the examples above, there are often good and valid reasons why we

become unassertive. As children and teenagers we learn to behave in a way that works for

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Module 1: What is Assertiveness

Page 4

nterventions

• Psychotherapy • Research • Training

What Is Assertiveness Worksheet Template Page 4