What Is Assertiveness Worksheet Template (Page 5 of 9) in pdf

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us at the time. If we were assertive to aggressive parents or friends it may have got us into

trouble, so we learned to stay under the radar. Or we may have learned to be aggressive to

survive. And it is likely that the family members and friends that we learned this from also

learned their behaviour from someone else.

It is important that you don’t blame yourself or your family for your lack of assertiveness. It

can be more helpful to think of it as a vicious cycle that you and your family have been

caught in. Now you have decided to break the cycle and learn a new assertive way of

thinking and behaving. This means that you will not pass on these unhelpful ways of behaving

to your family and friends.

What stops us from being assertive?

A number of factors can stop us from being assertive:

Self-defeating beliefs. We might have unrealistic beliefs and negative self statements

about being assertive, our ability to be assertive, or the things that might happen if we are

assertive. This is often a major cause of acting non-assertively. Examples of such beliefs are:

o It is uncaring, rude and selfish to say what you want.

o If I assert myself I will upset the other person and ruin our relationship

o It will be terribly embarrassing if I say what I think.

Module 3 “Thinking in a more assertive way” has more examples of these unhelpful beliefs,

and teaches us how to think in a more assertive manner.

Skills deficit: It may be that we just don’t have the verbal and nonverbal skills to be

assertive. We may watch other people being assertive and admire their behaviour but have

no real idea how to be like that ourselves. We will be examining specific assertiveness

techniques in Module 4 “Behaving in a more assertive way”.

Anxiety and stress: It may be that we know how to be assertive but we get so anxious

that we find we can’t carry out the behaviour. We may be so stressed that it becomes

difficult to think and act clearly. We need to learn how to manage our anxiety and reduce

entre for

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Module 1: What is Assertiveness

Page 5

nterventions

• Psychotherapy • Research • Training

What Is Assertiveness Worksheet Template Page 5