Restorative & Solution-Focused Gratitude & Apology Letter Guidelines For Loves Ones printable pdf download

Hawai‘i Friends of Justice & Civic Education

Restorative & Solution-Focused Gratitude & Apology Letter Guidelines for Loves Ones

Sometimes we hurt people unintentionally or intentionally who we care about and are grateful for. In these

cases you can address the harm by writing a letter about how you have changed, express your gratitude, and

apologize.

If there is a protective order preventing you from contacting anyone you must respect that. Even though you

are sorry and grateful for the person you hurt, you must never cause further pain by attempting to make

amends. If your situation is serious and there is no protective order but you believe the person you hurt may be

afraid of you, do not send the letter directly to them and instead ask another third party who knows you both to

deliver the letter.

If your case is serious and you are incarcerated show your letter to someone who works at the prison such as a

Chaplin or a counselor and ask them to review it and sign it with a statement that they reviewed it, and ask

them to contact your harmed loved one and request their permission for the letter to be sent to them. You never

want to risk furthering harming someone.

The following letter guidelines are based on work by Martin Seligman, PhD, founder of positive psychology

from the University of Pennsylvania, Ben Furman, MD, psychiatrist from Finland; and Lorenn Walker, JD,

MPH Hawai‘i public health educator & conflict management lawyer. Furman and Walker also developed

[Fill in [bracketed] information with the specific facts about your situation and copy what is in bold]

[Write your name & address on letter]

[Fill in date you are writing letter]

Dear [person’s name you are grateful for and who you have also hurt. If more than one person is involved please write

each person a separate letter]:

First, I want you to know that I have come to appreciate how precious life is and realize I want to do better for

those I care about and for myself. I am not just saying this. I have worked hard and have [List all accomplishments

you have made since you hurt who you are writing]

Second, I want to thank you. I am grateful to you for [Describe what specifically the person did that has made a

meaningful difference in your life that you are grateful for]

You have made a difference because [Describe the meaningful difference the person you are thanking has made for

others, e.g. “Your taking care of (child’s name) has helped (her or him survive in my absence), etc…”]

I deeply appreciate all your hard work and kindness in [doing whatever they did that you are thanking them for]

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Third, I want to apologize to you for [Describe what you did to the person you’re writing that was hurtful, wrong, or

unfair towards him/her]

My actions were hurtful and I want you to know that I truly regret my behavior.

I have been thinking about what happened and I feel that I have learned a lesson. I have learned that: [Describe

what you have learned]

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Restorative & Solution-Focused Gratitude & Apology Letter Guidelines For Loves Ones