Marriage Contract Page 10
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16Marriage Contract
PROPOSAL AND ENGAGEMENT – A FEW POINTERS
BY SAYYID MUHAMMAD RIZVI
Introduction
The marriage season of the year has dawned upon us and so I thought it
appropriate to remind those who are planning engagement and marriage of a
few pointers.
“Engagement”
Engagement is the time between acceptance of the marriage proposal
(khitba) and the marriage ceremony (‘aqd). Once the proposal is accepted,
the man and the woman are known as “engaged to be married” or simply
“engaged”. Engagement has no recognition in Islamic laws. It is simply an
agreement to marry but it is not a binding agreement, it can be broken off
with or without a reason.
Who Proposes?
Traditionally in all cultures, it is the man who proposes to the woman; and it is
done either directly by the man himself or on his behalf by his family. In the
West, even now the man is expected to get down on his one-knee to propose
to the woman he wants to marry. In words of ‘Allama Murtaza Mutahhari,
“From time immemorial man has approached woman with his proposal…
Nature has imbued woman with the disposition of a flower and made the man
the nightingale, woman the lamp and man the moth.”
“This is not the case with human beings only. Other animals also behave like
this. It is always the function of the male to present himself impatiently and
earnestly before the female...” (The Rights of Women in Islam, p. 15-16)
Even the Qur’ãn asks the men to seek women for marriage. (See 4:3) And
so, in the proposal, it is the man who initiates and the woman who accepts. In
the actual marriage ceremony, however, it is the woman who initiates the
marriage and the man who accepts it.
When & To Whom?
Other than the mahram ladies whom he cannot marry, a man may propose
marriage to any single woman. (For list of the mahram ladies, see the Qur’an
4:23-24.)
However, in the following four cases, proposal is not appropriate.
(Remember that the contemporary mujtahids have not expressed their
opinions on three of the four cases; but scholars of the early centuries of the
ghaybat have expressed their opinions.)
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