Marriage Contract Page 12
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16Marriage Contract
Problems & Conflicts
These days the so-called “engagement ceremony” is becoming more like a
mini marriage ceremony! I am not saying that don’t do your engagement
ceremony – if you do it within the bounds of shari‘ah, then there is no
problem,
don’t over do it! Don’t rob the actual marriage of its mystique!
BUT
Even the tradition of giving gifts –the man’s family gives to the engaged
woman– is overdone in some cultures. I am told that at every occasion on
our religious calendar, the boy’s family is expected to send clothes and
jewellery to the girl. This is okay; but it becomes a big problem when the
engagement is broken off.
1.
If the engagement is broken off by one party, then the other
cannot claim for damages for breaking the agreement since it
was of a nonbinding nature. One cannot claim for damages for
‘loss of reputation’ or ‘depression’ or ‘air fare for our trips to visit
you,’ or ‘the deposit paid for the hall rental’ and etc. Remember
you cannot unwind your life; unpleasant things happen and you
have to move on and carry on with your life.
2.
Of course, both parties have the right to ask back for the gifts
given to one another:
(a)
If the gifts were of perishable nature (e.g., sweets), then
there is no basis for asking it back or its value.
(b)
If the gifts were non-perishable (e.g., cash or jewellery),
then there is two possibilities:
i. If it still exists, then it should be given back.
ii. If it perished or doesn’t exist any more, then:
1. if it perished out of negligence, then pay its value.
2. if it perished without anyone’s fault, then there is
nothing.
So keeping the engagement relationship simple helps in dealing
with potential problems later on. But if you still want to indulge
in extravagance during the engagement period, then those who
give should be prepared to forget everything in case the
engagement is broken off and those who receive should be
prepared to consider the gifts as ‘trust’ and be prepared to give
them back.
3.
However, according to Islamic laws, the gifts given to a person
related to you by blood cannot be asked back. (Blood
relationship means biological relationship as opposed to
relationship through marriage.) So, for example, if the
engagement is between cousins and then it is broken off, the
parties cannot ask back for the gifts that they had given to one
another.
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