How To Recognise Assertive Behaviour Worksheet Template Page 2
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10--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ASSERT YOURSELF!
Recognising the Difference between Passive, Assertive and
Aggressive Communication Styles.
It is important that you learn how to recognise the verbal and non-verbal characteristics of
the different communication styles. Once we know these we will be able to recognise
passive, assertive or aggressive behaviour in ourselves and others.
The first step to changing behaviour is recognising which bits we need to change. It may be
that you are able to speak assertively, i.e. your verbal skills are assertive, but your nonverbal
communication may be quite passive and contradicting your verbal communication. For
example, if you say “I don’t like it when you do that”, which is an assertive statement, but
you do it in a very quiet voice with no eye contact and shuffling your feet, then your
nonverbal behaviour will undermine your verbal and your message will probably not be
taken seriously.
You will notice that each communication style has some payoffs or positive aspects and
costs or negative aspects. It is important to acknowledge these as you may not have realised
that there can be a cost to being assertive. For example, a cost of becoming assertive is that
people around you may have been getting some benefit from your being unassertive. If they
are typically aggressive and want things done their way, they may not want you to change. If
you are aware of this possibility it will perhaps make it easier for you to change.
As you read the descriptions below take note of which behaviours you need to add your
repertoire!
Characteristics of Passive Communication
Definition:
• Not expressing honest feelings, thoughts and beliefs. Therefore, allowing others to
violate your rights. Can also mean expressing thoughts and feelings in an apologetic,
self-effacing way – so that others easily disregard them.
• Violating your own rights.
• Also sometimes showing a subtle lack of respect for the other person’s ability to
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Module 2: Recognising Assertive Behaviour
Page 2
nterventions
• Psychotherapy • Research • Training
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