Family Home Rules Contract Template (Page 3 of 9) in pdf

3. Control without nagging.

Nagging is the result of poor follow through, not having a system of discipline, and lack of consistency. It

quickly becomes a bad habit. Parents resort to using anger to get action, rather than using action to get

action. It isn’t effective.

• Empty threats create unnecessary frustration in a household:

o When parents wants something accomplished, they progress through graduated steps of

phony anger, beginning with calm and ending with a red flush and a threat.

o Children realize that they don’t really need to obey until the flash-point is near.

o Since empty threats are used to control the child, the parent has to get mad frequently! The

relationship is contaminated and each day is ended with a terrible headache. The parent

can never count on instant obedience because it takes time to work up a believable amount

of anger.

o How much better to explain the concept of obeying the first time, and then explain the

negative consequence(s) for disobeying, and then following through with stated discipline.

After just a few such instances of calm, actionable discipline, the child will respond

immediately rather than waiting for escalation.

o Never underestimate a child’s awareness that he is breaking the rules. Consider why they

respond differently to different parents/adults. They know exactly what each one’s

tolerance level is.

Discipline Vs. Punishment

Discipline:

Punishment:

Logically connected to the misbehavior

Arbitrary retaliation for misbehavior

Intended to teach responsible behavior

Intended to teach blindly obedient behavior

Administered in a firm and calm manner

Often delivered in an atmosphere of anger and

resentment

Applied respectfully

Dished out Disrespectfully

Allow the child to participate

Dictated by the authority

THE SCIENCE AND STATISTICS BEHIND SPANKING…the following excerpts are taken from the

Akron Law Review, Vol. 42, No. 243, 2009. This is a 76 page law review. About ¾ of it is foot-notes detailing the

various research which supports spanking. To download the full review, go to:

and then click on “Download”… towards the top of

the page.

THE SCIENCE AND STATISTICS BEHIND SPANKING SUGGEST THAT LAWS ALLOWING

CORPORAL PUNISHMENT ARE IN THE BEST INTERESTS OF THE CHILD

In 1979, Sweden started an international trend by becoming the first country to ban spanking. While

such lawmaking may seem harmless, even commendable, the empirical data indicate that a spanking

ban is a grave mistake. With spanking bans have come increased rates of child abuse, aggressive

parenting, and youth violence.

Indeed, criminal records suggest that children raised under a spanking

ban are much more likely to be involved in crime than other children. This makes sense. To function well

in society, children need to learn that misbehavior has negative consequences.

#12. (collectively showing the rates of indoor abuses when the perpetrator personally knows the child 0-6

years old rising every year, from 99 in 1981 to 583 in1994). Sweden’s rate of juvenile assaults has risen

more than seven times since the spanking ban in 1979.

Family Home Rules Contract Template Page 3

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