Family Home Rules Contract Template (Page 6 of 9) in pdf

1-2-3 Magic!

Excerpted from book of same name by Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D

Without emotion and without wasted time, you can effectively discipline your children! If your child’s

misbehavior is not worthy of a spanking, this is a good method to improve their behavior.

• Once child begins a behavior that you’ve already warned them against, look them straight in the

eye and firmly state, “That’s 1”. If they don’t stop said behavior within 2 seconds you firmly

state, “That’s 2”. If they don’t stop said behavior within 2 more seconds you firmly state,

“That’s 3, Take a Time-Out”. (1 minute for each year of age)

• Initially you may have to carry them to their room (for older children, it’s a choice…go to your

room for time-out, or forfeit 1 dollar of your allowance).

• You don’t talk about the issue or allow them to escalate the issue by arguing. If they start to

argue after you state “That’s 1”, immediately progress to, “That’s 2”…for arguing

• How long before you start the count over? Kid’s time perspective is about 5 minutes either side

of “right now”.

• What if they tear up their room during the time-out? Leave them to deal with their own

consequences. Don’t buy replacements and don’t clean it up for them. After about 3 peaceful

time-outs, you can help them clean it up.

o If you feel that your child is liable to tear up the room, remove anything valuable or

“dangerous” prior to beginning this program.

• Obviously some misbehaviors are too violent/bad for time-out to be considered sufficient.

Additional Tools:

• Docking System: Set amount of allowance to be docked for certainly specific misbehaviors

which are already known. Once misbehavior occurs, write the amount to be docked in a public

place. Increment this each time and then dock allowance prior to paying out at end of week.

• Kitchen Timers: Kids naturally are competitive. You give them a time when they need to have a

certain task/chore accomplished. You can race them or you can give them a “prize” if they

accomplish it in the allotted time.

• Natural Consequences: Instead of nagging at your pre-teen/teen to fix their own lunch and dress

warmly, let them experience “life” without these things. They won’t die and they’ll learn a

valuable lesson.

o Always running late for school? Take younger ones in their pajamas. For older ones,

don’t do anything for them. Explain that you’re only going to give one 5 minute warning

before leaving (announce the time the night before) and then leave at that time.

May necessitate explaining to teachers that you’re in the midst of independence

training, and will most likely mean that the child is going to get “burned” a few

times. But, they will learn and grow from these experiences.

This will provide more peace in your life and put responsibility where it belongs.

Consistency is extremely important. Not to follow through once blows any system or method that you’re

implementing. Consistency makes it easier because you don’t get pushed as much. They know when you

say something you mean it. They don’t have to wonder whether you’ll follow through this time. As a

result it is easier and you have to discipline less often, and a word of warning goes a long way.

Family Home Rules Contract Template Page 6