How To Think More Assertively Worksheet Template Page 2
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15--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ASSERT YOURSELF!
Unassertive thinking
As mentioned in Module 1, one of the factors that can make it difficult for us to be assertive
is our thinking. We all hold beliefs about ourselves, other people and how the world works.
Usually these beliefs came from our experience in the world and made sense to us at the
time. However even though we have moved on from these experiences we may not have
updated our thinking. For example, as a child we may have been taught by our family not to
express sadness because if we did we would be ridiculed. In that situation it would have
made sense for us to have the belief: “expressing sadness is bad and if I do people will make
fun of me”. As an adult however we may still have this belief even though we are no longer
in the same situation. We continue to assume that the belief is true without checking it out.
As a result we may never express our sadness which may result in us being stressed,
depressed and not connected with ourselves and the world. Or alternatively our sadness
may be expressed as anger towards ourselves or other people.
Below are listed a number of typical unassertive thoughts. See if any of them apply to you.
• I shouldn’t say how I’m really feeling or thinking because I don’t want to burden
others with my problems.
• If I assert myself I will upset the other person and ruin our relationship
• It will be terribly embarrassing if I say what I think
• If someone says “no” to my request it is because they don’t like or love me
• I shouldn’t have to say what I need or how I feel: people close to me should
already know
• It is uncaring, rude and selfish to say what you want
• I have no right to change my mind; neither has anyone else
• It will all work out in the end, and anyway it’s not my fault
• People should keep their feelings to themselves
• If I express that I am feeling anxious people will think I am weak and ridicule me
or take advantage of me.
•
If I accept compliments from someone it will mean I am big headed.
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Module 3 How to Think More Assertively
Page 2
nterventions
• Psychotherapy • Research • Training
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